Friday, November 28, 2008

No more swimmers

This isn't exactly a new story. It happend about 4 years ago. I decided to post it though, because A. It's funny as hell, and B. My friend Beth mentioned in one of her recent posts that she was afraid that her hubby was going to be traumatized my her dog's neutering and not get a vasectomy.

After 3 kids we decided we were done. I insisted that since I had birthed three children and had spent numerous days in the hospital overnight as a result, that it was only fair that hubby go do the simple little outpatient procedure to solve our little problem. Besides the fact that our insurance in all it's wisdom, wouldn't cover either procedure and the vasectomy was way cheaper to pay for out of pocket. That never made sense to me. I could have 15 more kids and the insurance would not only pay for me to birth them, but then pay for every sniffle and broken bone until they were 18, but they wouldn't pay for a $500 procedure so we wouldn't have anymore. Hubby still wasn't so convinced. His manliness and all that. Blah!

Birth control was making me absolutely loony. I was taking anti depressants for the looniness and those gave me insomnia, so I had sleeping pills for that. Can you see the chain reaction here? I was taking pills for the side effects of my pills. My doctor suggested that if I just stopped taking hormonal birth control, I could probably stop all the other shit too. So one day I told the hubby that I wasn't doing it anymore. We could use condoms until he decided to go.

Fast forward 6 months. By now he's getting tired of me making him use condoms all the time, and a couple of his friends went and got it done and told him it was no big deal, so he finally got up the courage and went. I went with him. Someone had to drive him home and all that. So I'm actually in there with him while the doctor is doing it. They give him a local and a little while later the doc starts doing his thing. Apparently there is some tugging involved and although it wasn't painful, it was certainly uncomfortable. So he's kinda moaning and such as the doc is rooting around in there with some kind of crochet hook contraption and I'm watching this and listening and I pipe up with "You know honey, this does seem to be more painful than I had thought it would be, but compared to giving birth three times, I still win." The doc starts laughing in that it's good he wasn't drinking coffee way, because it would have surely come out his nose. And the hubby says to me "Do you mind not making the guy laugh when he's holding sharp objects next to my nuts?"

So he played up the whole thing for like a week after, sitting in the chair with his feet up, me bringing him food and drinks, and lots of bags of frozen peas, but he lived, and he's no less manly. I on the other hand got my sanity back and no longer had a laundry list of prescriptions to fill every month.


Anonymous said...

You're a good wife.

When I got snipped, it was after my daughter had her heart surgery, and we knew she would live. My "dear wife", even after the surgery, made me take care of the baby - playing, changing diapers, and all that.

Plus I got called into work.

Suffice it to say that it was not a pleasant experience, but one I only have to do once.