Friday, February 27, 2009

When I grow up...

I am now qualified to serve people food. Today I passed the test that the restaurant gives to make sure you can sling food according to their standards. I'm still not graceful with the trays, but I didn't drop anything this week while I was training. We will see how it goes. I'm still not sure that this is the career path I really want to be on. I mean sure, if I keep doing it eventually I could become the manager, but is that really what I want to do?

I just turned 35 this week and I still don't know what I want to do when I grow up.

When I get on this kick, my husband tells me one of two things,

One, he tells me I don't have to work, and that being a mom to his kids and making sure they grow up to be productive members of society is a hard enough job. I know, he really is a prince, right? And for those of you who know him, and know that he can be an ASS sometimes, THIS is why I love him. Because when it comes to the really important stuff, he's good, he's really good.

Or two, he tells me to just pick something already, because you see in the 16 years that I have known him I have wanted to be :
A. The owner of my very own pool hall
B. High school math teacher
C. Bartender
D. Nail technician
E. Hairstylist
F. Graphic Designer
G. Coffee shop owner
H. Scapbooking store owner
I. Preschool teacher
J. Pharmacist
K. Interior designer
L. Artist

And in those years the jobs I have held are:
A. Daycare worker
B. Parking lot attendant
C. Car Salesperson
D. Car Service Cashier
E. Customer Service Rep
F. Accounts payable clerk
G. Human resources administrator
H. Tupperware lady
I. Automotive billing clerk
J. Starbucks Barista
K. Major chain bookstore department lead
L. Restaurant hostess

You would think that maybe, just maybe, out of all these things I would find the one that I was really good at, the one that I could see myself getting up to go do every day for the rest of my life, but no. It's not like I didn't like any of them, I just got bored. I think it's because of my ADD, but I've rarely spent more than a year at any job I've ever had. I just wake up one day and feel like the job is sucking the life out of me and if I stay there any longer I will curl up and die, and then I formulate and exit strategy.

So here I am at 35, still wondering what to do with my life. Maybe I am just meant to be a mom. Not that I don't agree that being a mom is a job in and of itself. Not that I don't think that raising productive members of the next generation isn't just about the most important job out there. But I still feel like something is missing, that I cannot spend the rest of my life being defined as someone's mom.

My latest kick has been the pharmacist thing. The years of schooling are something that I just can't get my head around though. Not to mention the money. One of my friends suggested that I look into becoming a Pharmacy Technician. The school isn't as long or as expensive, and it would give me a chance to work in a Pharmacy and see if I even really liked it enough to want to go spend years learning how to do. And if I got lucky, the pharmacy might help pay for some of the tuition to actually become a Pharmacist. So I looked into Pharmacy Technician programs and gave up because they still cost a lot of money and the schools were not exactly close to my house. Last week I found out that the local community college has a program and it only costs $915. The catch, the next class doesn't start until May. So come May, if my ADD hasn't sent me off in a completely different direction by then, I'll go. I actually did put a reminder on my calendar for April to remind myself to sign up, just in case.


just beth said...

I have to say, that this post, out of EVERYTHING THAT I KNOW ABOUT YOU... THIS shocks me. SHOCKS ME.

We were at Wilson when you first told me that what you wanted to be when you grew up was a stay at home mom.

When we got to high school and that was STILL what you answered when asked,(I have to confess, and I'm sorry) I thought, 'pshaw! She's smart and talented, why would she want to waste it on JUST being a STAY AT HOME MOM'.

You seemed to know then what many, ME, at the very least, didn't know... had NO IDEA OF. That THIS is The Job. We are everything to our kids, and if we are (I'm going to say it!) BLESSED enough to be able to be home and influence them as much as possible...!! Oh my god!! The benefits to them will be STAGGERING.

I am NOT trying to say you shouldn't follow your dreams, whatever they might be. WHATEVER. THEY. MIGHT. BE. You want to be a restaurang manager? You have three kids and a husband, you can manage ANYTHING. I'm sure you'd be brilliant.

I am just maybe trying to let you know that before I read this article, had anyone asked me who, from High School, had accomplished what he/she had wanted to accomplish at 35, I would have TOTALLY said you.

I'm not sure if that helps or pisses you off or makes you laugh because I am a rube and naive... but I thought you should know.



P.S. I love you.

MoreThanMommy said...

I don't know you at all... I just stumbled across your blog. =} But, I have two comments. The first is that you should read Barbara Sher's Refuse to Choose. It's all about people who have trouble committing to one thing because they're interested in a lot of different things. I don't know if that applies to you, but it's a life changing book for those of us it does apply to. My second comment is that all of the jobs you have done are just that... jobs. They aren't really deeply fulfilling. There are people who can do a 40-hour a week job and get through it and then go home. And then there are people who need a job that allows them to be creative or to add something to the community or whatever. We can't do jobs like those you listed without feeling like we'll shrivel up and die. If you're someone who gets bored easily, you should look for a career that allows you to work in a variety of environments. You mentioned being a pharmacist, but then you're just going to be working in a pharmacy. That's fine if you love it, but there's not a lot of room for movement. My background is in non-profit management. I worked for a small violence prevention non-profit, I worked for a museum and I worked for a for-profit that provides services to non-profits. Each job environment was profoundly different, but I was using the things I am good at. You might just need to look for a flexible career. Ok, enough from me!